The greatest swordsman alive was on his way to defeat the demon king. What he didn’t know was that he was going to die at the end. A short fantasy story.
I enjoyed it. Good concept. I think you suffered from a flaw I’ve been guilty of more than once, and that’s trying to cram a Novel length idea into a short story. This is good work though, you should be pleased with it. 👌🙂
I'm so glad you enjoyed it. And yes, wish we had more time to make those short stories an actual novel. Some people have told me "not all your ideas need to be a full book, some of them can just exist on your mind!" and I'm like "hear me out, short stories", so here's the result.
I thought this was a great story! It kept me engaged and curious throughout, and I didn’t want to put it down. So great work!
I was a little confused at first on the reincarnation bit. I thought it was an Edge of Tomorrow/Groundhogs Day kind of thing, but I guess not? Maybe I’m still confused, haha. But I think that’s my fault and not yours 😂
Overall, I really enjoyed it! I hope to see more stories from you!
Thank you so much for reading! I'm really glad you liked it and that it kept you engaged.
I do think the confusion was my fault here. 2,500 words was a tight budget so the reincarnation dynamic didn't have a lot of space to shine.
In this one, I was trying to imply that the greatest swordsman keeps reincarnating as another person in each loop. But he still has his swordsmanship skills from previous lifes. He just doesn't have the memories. I made the world change in each loop by making it darker and darker and the demon king less human every time. Hope this is helpful and thank you again for taking the time to read it, I love discussing stories.
Yeah, looking back, I think the reincarnation bit is definitely explained. The fact that he’s also with a new group each time, and the damage to the castle from previous attempts. But I agree, putting a big concept into 2,500 words is quite the challenge. You did great!
The main premise, with the recurring events and the stereotypical D&D characters works really well for me. I enjoyed the line "Can we be brothers again..." the most. This is an unexpected, emotional twist that does make sense, given that both characters have done this "dance" so many times already.
The title "The greatest swordsman" I also like a lot. Punchy and slightly.... childish maybe, looking back? It has more depth than it seems at first glance. I genuinely like that.
It does feel to me like there is more story to be told. Maybe even deserves to be told!
I liked the "clank" of the falling sword a lot. And the “thuds” and the “snap”. For me, there could be even more sounds like these, more touch and more smells involved, to make the story even more immersive. I'm a big fan of "smells" (good and bad ones) in stories :))
The analyses you added was super interesting! You don't often get a look inside a writers head, while analyzing their own story :))
Mathijs, thank you so much for such a thoughtful read! I'm really glad the premise and the "dance" between these two landed. The "can we be brothers again...?" Was one of the lines was most doubtful about, so hearing it was your favorite meansa ton. Your note on the title is definitely the feel was going for. A childish title that ends up having more meaning. And thanks for the sensory feedback, I feel like lean too much on the eyesight mostly and forget most of the others. Hearing is the one that resurfaces the most after eyesight but I need to implement the smells more. I'm pleased you liked the analysis. included it because this is the kind of thing I'd like to read from other writers want to get in their head!). Thanks again for taking the time to read this story. Comments like these make sharing it so worth it.
I liked it, even with a couple clunky sentences. And your last wrap-up section gave me warm fuzzies about the brothers!
Thanks Lucina 🙌 I really appreciate you reading it. I'm glad the brothers made you at least feel something :)
Hi Jesse,
I'm happy it was useful :))
Also, sharing a creative piece with people is such a hard thing to do. In a way, everything afterwards is relatively easy :))
I enjoyed it. Good concept. I think you suffered from a flaw I’ve been guilty of more than once, and that’s trying to cram a Novel length idea into a short story. This is good work though, you should be pleased with it. 👌🙂
Thanks for taking the time to read it Martyn :)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it. And yes, wish we had more time to make those short stories an actual novel. Some people have told me "not all your ideas need to be a full book, some of them can just exist on your mind!" and I'm like "hear me out, short stories", so here's the result.
I'm pleased with it though 🙌
I thought this was a great story! It kept me engaged and curious throughout, and I didn’t want to put it down. So great work!
I was a little confused at first on the reincarnation bit. I thought it was an Edge of Tomorrow/Groundhogs Day kind of thing, but I guess not? Maybe I’m still confused, haha. But I think that’s my fault and not yours 😂
Overall, I really enjoyed it! I hope to see more stories from you!
Thank you so much for reading! I'm really glad you liked it and that it kept you engaged.
I do think the confusion was my fault here. 2,500 words was a tight budget so the reincarnation dynamic didn't have a lot of space to shine.
In this one, I was trying to imply that the greatest swordsman keeps reincarnating as another person in each loop. But he still has his swordsmanship skills from previous lifes. He just doesn't have the memories. I made the world change in each loop by making it darker and darker and the demon king less human every time. Hope this is helpful and thank you again for taking the time to read it, I love discussing stories.
Yeah, looking back, I think the reincarnation bit is definitely explained. The fact that he’s also with a new group each time, and the damage to the castle from previous attempts. But I agree, putting a big concept into 2,500 words is quite the challenge. You did great!
Thanks 🙏
The main premise, with the recurring events and the stereotypical D&D characters works really well for me. I enjoyed the line "Can we be brothers again..." the most. This is an unexpected, emotional twist that does make sense, given that both characters have done this "dance" so many times already.
The title "The greatest swordsman" I also like a lot. Punchy and slightly.... childish maybe, looking back? It has more depth than it seems at first glance. I genuinely like that.
It does feel to me like there is more story to be told. Maybe even deserves to be told!
I liked the "clank" of the falling sword a lot. And the “thuds” and the “snap”. For me, there could be even more sounds like these, more touch and more smells involved, to make the story even more immersive. I'm a big fan of "smells" (good and bad ones) in stories :))
The analyses you added was super interesting! You don't often get a look inside a writers head, while analyzing their own story :))
Mathijs, thank you so much for such a thoughtful read! I'm really glad the premise and the "dance" between these two landed. The "can we be brothers again...?" Was one of the lines was most doubtful about, so hearing it was your favorite meansa ton. Your note on the title is definitely the feel was going for. A childish title that ends up having more meaning. And thanks for the sensory feedback, I feel like lean too much on the eyesight mostly and forget most of the others. Hearing is the one that resurfaces the most after eyesight but I need to implement the smells more. I'm pleased you liked the analysis. included it because this is the kind of thing I'd like to read from other writers want to get in their head!). Thanks again for taking the time to read this story. Comments like these make sharing it so worth it.